Ask Tyler Anything

2011-12-22T11:18:00.001-06:00

Q: In what book did the queen kill her children to punish her husband the king for marrying a second wife?

A: I thought it was the Epic of Gilgamesh, but was informed that it was the play, Medea by Euripides. Looks like I need to brush up on my ancient literature.

Tyler J.

2011-12-22T11:17:00.004-06:00

Q: What kind of phobia is it if you are 1. Scared of Santa 2. Scared of Christmas?

A: Hagiophobia is a fear of saints or other holy things. When kids are scared of Santa, it's rather hilarious.

Tyler J.

2011-12-22T11:17:00.003-06:00

Q: Why does a company have to have company politics and pull your name into things that you aren’t involved in?

A: After reading your situation, and remembering my own experiences, the problem boils down to people lacking professionalism and failing to separate business relationships from personal differences. EVERY job I have ever held has seen its fair share of knuckleheads. In some cases, it has cost customers. Unfortunately, in your case, the person seems like one of authority and there's probably little that can be done without going over their head. That may be the best route. In the meantime, keep your cool and be the bigger person.

Tyler J.

2011-12-22T11:17:00.001-06:00

Q: Why does the suicide rate go up around the holidays?

A: I read an article about this a while back. Suicide is a big topic with me. From what I remember, the CDC did not indicate an increase in suicides in the holiday months. In fact, they said it wen down. The reason why we see so much of an apparent increase in suicides is all about media coverage. Like EVERYTHING else, they sensationalize the story.

On a personal note, I know of one suicide by a family friend many years ago just a few days before Christmas (maybe today, I think) due to his wife's infidelities. Very sad. It tore everyone up. Suicide is one of the worst things a group of people can live through. If you or someone you know may be thinking of taking their own life, talk to them. Suicide is a very permanent solution to a usually temporary problem. There is usually always another solution and there is ALWAYS someone to talk to.

Tyler J.

2011-12-16T20:53:00.002-06:00

Q: What type of genetic screw up created Chris Crocker?

A: For those who don't know, Chris Crocker is an overnight internet celebrity who became infamous for his freak out video telling people to "Leave Britney Alone!"

It's less of a question about the creation of Chris Crocker, more of a question as to why I should care. Yeah, the video was kind of funny because of how whiny he was. I just think he received way too much attention for his outburst. Part of me thinks it was staged anyway to upstart his "entertainer" career.

What I would like to know is what kind of genetic screw-up is responsible for what happened to MTV and how can we fix it? I want music videos, dammit!

I would also like to know who is responsible for changing the formula in 7up. Has anyone else noticed that 7up tasted so much better when we were kids? Now, it takes like a hooker's bathwater. Maybe it has something to do with our taste buds developing as we age, but I still think someone screwed up.

Tyler J.

2011-12-16T18:08:00.002-06:00

Q: What is a good way of supporting our troops when one doesn't necessarily have access to troops in which to show one's support directly, and one doesn't feel "stupid bumper stickers" are adequate/ legitimate expressions of support? What does supporting our troops look like?
I'm inclined to believe supporting our troops is saying so in conversations with others. I suppose it also involves voting. How much effort does one need expend to show support for our troops in order to be a legitimate expression of support?

A: Amazing question(s). To me, supporting the troops means something along the lines of supporting their hardships. Anytime I tell people about military life, I explain that whatever social issue we experience as a civilian is amplified by the intense life that surrounds military service.

For example, alcoholism, suicide, divorce, and domestic abuse statistics are marginally higher among military families. On a personal level, one can lend a listening ear to someone going through these problems. On a non-personal level, there are several organizations dedicated to helping military families find ways out of dark corners.

Local VFW chapters, like Post 5901 here in town, make frequent trips up to the VA hospital in Leavenworth to bring gifts and entertain wounded vets. In addition, local veterans groups will know more about volunteer opportunities than I probably do.

One thing I like to do is pick up the tab at a drive-thru or restaurant. It doesn't happen very often and I could count on one hand the number of times I have actually had the chance to do it, but it's a good silent way of helping them not spend what little money they are actually given for their jobs. When you're in the drive-thru, and notice a car with men or women in uniform, tell the cashier at the window that you'd like to pay for their meals, as well. (Just hope they're not ordering for the whole platoon!)

As you said, voting is key. I can't stress to people enough that we live in an age where information about candidates is readily available. Yet, we still have voters who are willfully ignorant about the people they elect simply because they have one letter or another (signifying a political party) by their name.

Pick an issue, make sure your candidate agrees with you, and vote accordingly. This stuff is not that hard to do. When it comes to veterans issues, look for a candidate who has voted to increase the hiring of vets for new jobs, or fund educational benefits in the new GI Bill, or build a new wing on a VA hospital. Every time we elect people who support those kinds of legislation, we support the troops.

A lot of schools organize letters and care packages to send to deployed men and women. If you don't have kids in school, or even if you don't have kids, you can throw together a small box for a random soldier and make their day a little brighter.

You be surprised how far even a letter can go in terms of lifting morale.

Bumper stickers are a great way of saying what you think. However, if the proceeds don't go to help the cause you're displaying, what are you really saying?

Tyler J.

2011-12-15T21:32:00.002-06:00

Q: Okay, so they just announced the war is officially over. What happens now?

A: Now, I get to raise a toast to those we lost and welcome those who made it back from the sandbox.

It's sad to think that when I was deployed in 2003, many of the guys who are now returning from war were only ten or eleven years old. The war in Iraq has gone on since March 19th, 2003. I was on a field training exercise in Ft. Knox, KY when the drill sergeants announced it to us. A short few months later, I was in Iraq.

Since I have been back, I've paid close attention to many of the issues revolving around our involvement in Iraq. One of the issues that I pay particular attention to is the issue of suicide among veterans. Folks, it's real. Over the next few decades, it's about to get a lot more real. Pay close attention to the ones you love and be there for them.

Logistically speaking, now that the war is over, I'm sure they will probably find some other conflict to absorb our finances. Since WWII, there has not been a single President who has not overseen a war/occupation/peacekeeping mission/or whatever you wish to call the engagement. President Eisenhower warned us before he left office in 1960 about the military industrial complex having too much power and say-so in our foreign policy. As a result of not listening to one of the greatest leaders the world has ever seen, we are now held hostage by an entire industry based solely on creating weapons for wars either real or imagined.

The defense industry has become so large that were it to shut down tomorrow, our country would fall into an economic depression that would make the 1930's seem like "the good ol' days." So much of our economy - not to mention, our debt - relies so heavily on defense spending that it seems unfathomable for us to not be engaged in some kind of armed conflict.

Anyway, the war in Afghanistan is still going. Rumor is they'll be ending that this coming summer. Only time will tell. If I had a nickel for every timeline the Iraq war was supposed to end and didn't, I'd be able to finance my own run for the Presidency.

Until then, every time they come home from war, I'll be welcoming them. Every time they deploy, I'll be supporting them with more than just some stupid bumper sticker.

Until they all come home,
Tyler J.

2011-12-12T13:34:00.004-06:00

Q: Tim Tebow. Pure talent or dumb luck.

A: After watching yesterday's game against Chicago and how he performed under pressure, I would say there's a certain amount of talent there. It's good to remember - this also means you, Tebow - that that whole team is responsible for a win or a loss. Next time you drop to your knee to thank your buddy, remember to take time out after the game to thank your offensive coordinator and the line that protected your ass.

Tyler J.

P.S. Avoid the sack. Don't be afraid to throw the ball away.

2011-12-11T16:11:00.002-06:00

Q: What's your favorite genre of music to jam out to on guitar?

A: Anything with a solid riff throughout the song. Blues, 50's and 60's rock, 80's metal. By playing something with a solid, repetitive riff, you can build on your lead parts very easily and improvise a lot more.

"Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits is a good example.

Tyler J.

2011-12-11T16:07:00.003-06:00

Q: In your opinion, do dogs think the way humans think? For instance, when my dogs jumps up to cuddle in my lap, is she thinking "I want to cuddle with my Mom" or is she just trying to get some attention?

A: Dogs are very personal animals. When they show that kind of affection, they are showing that they trust you...

...or they just want ham.

Tyler J.

2011-12-10T11:22:00.003-06:00

Q: Why do we hang glass balls from Christmas trees? It seems so crass.
A: The same reason priests have balls. They're just decoration.

They originated in Germany and Austria as a form of Christmas gifts that family members would hand make specifically for other family members to hang from their trees as decorations.

Over the years, ornaments have gone from handcrafted, meaningful glass bulbs to these horrible abominations:

Tyler J.

2011-12-10T11:18:00.002-06:00

Q: Why do we spend the holidays with the family members we like the least? If holidays are about family, why do we end up wishing we didn't have any by the time they're over?

A: It's an obligation to catch up with family just in case you don't see them again. In a way, I would feel like a piece of shit if I didn't see my family and something happened.

I try to be a silver lining kind of guy. You can always look at those certain relatives as examples of how not to be. Then, you can spend the whole ride home talking about them. LOL

Tyler J.

(Disclaimer: I love my family, but some of you are friggin' weird.)

2011-12-05T23:14:00.002-06:00

Q: Is marriage worth it?

A: I think marriage is an outdated, boring, religious tradition that has lost its meaning over the years.

If by "marriage" you mean a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship with someone, then yes, it is totally worth it. People spend their whole lives hopping from relationship to relationship until they get bored without realizing that once you tough it out with someone through some of the bad shit that would break up a normal couple, you have it made.

The ups and downs are certainly trying, but you have to be willing to make it through the test and come out stronger together on the other side.

One great test: Take a road trip together (approximately 1,000 miles or greater). If you both make it home alive, you're relationship has a great chance.

Tyler J.

2011-12-05T23:12:00.001-06:00

Q: What is your favorite memory from your relationship with your wife (so far)?

A: Before we were even married, we spent a weekend together in Baltimore. We walked around the Johns Hopkins area, listened to a professional opera singer practice in his hotel room for his cats, drank banana flavored milk, ordered pizza, and listened to the rain as we started to really grow to know one another.

Tyler J.

2011-12-05T23:11:00.002-06:00

Q: What is your favorite memory from being a father (so far)?

A: Without a doubt the first six months or so of being a stay-at-home dad and taking care of her, feeding her, seeing her first reactions to things, and holding her while she fell asleep in my arms.

Tyler J.

2011-12-02T08:43:00.002-06:00

Q: We have the 60's, 70's, 80's and so forth. What do you call 2000-2009, 2010-2019? Would then 2020 be considered the 20's and so forth?

A: I would imagine the years 2000-2009 would be called the "oughts", 2010-2019 would be the "teens", and I would like to see 2020-2029 called the "twenty-twenties". That has a catchy ring to it.

If we're referring to music when talking about decades, 2000-2009 could be called "Shit", 2010-2019 would be "Digital Shit", and 2020-2029 would hopefully be called the "Rock Renaissance."

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T15:57:00.000-06:00

Q: Why is George Lucas such a dick?

A: Because he knows he can afford to buy new friends.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T15:55:00.003-06:00

Q: What are some of the "deal breakers" for you when determining if a movie is "good or bad?" Are you a picky movie watcher?

A: i am a somewhat picky movie watcher. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I know what I like and I know what I should expect from a movie.

As far as deal breakers, I have one that sticks in my craw. Whenever the title of the movie is used in the dialogue of the movie, I roll my eyes, throw my hands in the air, and say, "Ah, shit!". I just find it tacky.

For example, in As Good As It Gets, one of Jack Nicholson's big lines is, "What if this is as good as it gets?"

Ah, shit.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T14:17:00.002-06:00

Q: What is the most mystic experience you've ever had and how does the scientific side of your brain reconcile that experience?

A: When I worked third shift doing security for INTRUST Bank in Wichita, I used to believe certain areas of the bank were legitimately haunted. However, upon further investigation, I was able to deduce that it was simply my own fear/predetermined notions about the dead that were playing tricks on my mind.

So, the answer is less scientific than psychological. Is it possible that ghosts and other mystical things exist? Sure, it's possible. The question really is: Is it likely and is there testable evidence to support it? Sadly, no. It would be kind of cool if it did though, right?

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T09:56:00.002-06:00

Q: How come radio stations burn everyone out on Christmas music weeks before Christmas? (except for Trans Siberian Orchestra, I can listen to that all year)

A: I honestly believe it's geared to coincide with the Black Friday mongrels and their endless quest to buy useless shit with imaginary money. It always starts on Thanksgiving and ends right at Christmas Day. While people are out shopping, it's supposed to get them in a nostalgic "Let's make this a great family Christmas with lots of stuff" kind of mood. Instead, they are becoming intolerable trolls that make me never want to return to a store for any reason again in my entire life.

Maybe it's just me getting older and seeing people for who they really are, but Christmas doesn't mean shit to me except spending some quality time with my family. I enjoy the feeling of giving, but it always seems to die off after the bell ringers pack up and go home. Tash and I rang bells for the Salvation Army and it was heartwarming to see the generosity in people. However, for the majority of Americans, they return to their "Fuck you, me first" personalities on December 26th.

The music itself is fun, because it is rather nostalgic. It's a collection of songs that we all remember from our childhood. Nothing wrong with that.

The two things I absolutely hate about the holidays are, and have always been, glitter and Aaron Neville.

Tyler J.

P.S. - If I hear Pachelbel's Canon in D one more time on the holiday station, I'm going to start punching mall Santa's right in front of the biggest line of kids I can find.

2011-11-30T09:00:00.002-06:00

Q: Why in the world are the Rolling Stones still on tour?

A: Easy. Thanks, Geritol.

They have been so well preserved from the amount of chemicals they've drank, smoked, shot, snorted, inhaled, and absorbed rectally that they will never stop touring.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T08:55:00.002-06:00

Q: It seems that any talentless hack can have at least one big hit nowadays. Has autotune destroyed music forever?

A: Well, considering the time and effort that goes into editing a song using autotune, a certain amount of talent is requi...

What the fuck am I saying?

Of course it's destroying music forever. Anything digital is culpable in the destruction of musical integrity. Hell, I don't even buy digital amps or effects for my guitar. It's all analog and talent.

However, autotune does have it's upside.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T08:40:00.002-06:00

Q: Van Halen or Van Hagar?

A: Van Cherone.

JUST KIDDING!!!

Each singer brought their own style to the band. While Sammy Hagar's era was more technical when it came to the music, Roth was the trashy frontman everyone knew and loved.

A perfect example would be the life-reflecting lyrics from the Van Hagar era's biggest hit "Right Now." Musically, the song is also brilliant.

However, no one goes to a Van Halen show to hear Sammy Hagar sing inspiring words about making the most of life! You go to Van Halen show to drink fermented beverages and convince busty co-eds that you know the band!

THIS is what Van Halen is all about. So, SIT DOWN, Waldo!

The defense rests.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T08:04:00.002-06:00

Q: Who are your top 5 favorite artists and why? Top 5 must have songs and albums?

A: This is such a tough question because of how many artists there are and what they have contributed to music. Musicians inspire other musicians, so it is slightly unfair to recognize a newer artist without acknowledging their mentor or muse.

However, in the interest of answering the question honestly, I will do my best. And, I will post links to videos of some of my favorite songs.

5. Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble - I was first introduced to his music by a friend of mine in middle school. Being a longtime fan of blues artists such as Freddie King, Albert Collins, and Robert Cray, it was refreshing to hear such a gritty style of Texas blues. I immediately fell in love with Stevie and the entire Texas Flood album.

4. Little Richard - His music is one of the foundations of modern rock. Even today, it's fun to listen to and dance to. Along with many artists, their music is still relevant today. It was about having a good time and that's exactly what it does for me. What I respect about Little Richard was what he did for music in a time that rock was fairly unpopular among adult Americans. Watching the documentary Lemmy about Motorhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister, Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters was talking to Lemmy about Little Richard and he put the whole thing into perspective. I'm not sure of the exact quote, but Grohle said something to the affect of "Being a gay, black man in 1950's Macon, Gerogia, what the hell else was he going to do but play rock 'n roll?"

3. Pink Floyd - I have been a fan of Pink Floyd since I first listened to Dark Side of the Moon when I was twelve years old. The lyrics combined with the haunting music will make anyone sit and reflect on what life really is. In fact, that was the whole basis for the album was to follow the path of life from birth to death. It wasn't until I heard "Marooned" from the Division Bell album that I really gained a new love for the band and what they contributed to music.

2. Eric Johnson - I have to admit I have a bit of a man-crush on Eric Johnson. To see him play the way he does and hear the flawlessness in his writing makes me aspire to be better at my own guitar playing. Seeing him play live at a Hendrix tribute show in 2010 made me realize that even though he has been playing professionally for almost 40 years, he still loves what he does. He was, by far, the most crowd-friendly artist in the lineup. He was calm, cool, and collected the whole time. His performance was one of the highlights of the show. As far as a favorite album, his Venus Isle album is one that I can listen to and never grow tired of it.

1. Led Zeppelin - I really shouldn't have to expand on this very much. Any fan of music knows exactly what Led Zeppelin did for music. However, I believe in being thorough and concise in my explanation. I was starting out playing guitar when I was nine years old. I was still stuck on Hendrix, Clapton, and older 50's rock. It wasn't until my cousin Johnny opened up my eyes to the wonderful world of Page, Plant, Bonham, and Jones. He allowed me to borrow his complete Zeppelin box set. My mind was officially, thoroughly, and permanently blown. The Led Zeppelin IV album is basically the soundtrack to my adolescence.

While many artists did not make it in the top five, they are all worthy and have their own special place. There are many musicians that I could listen to their entire catalog and never grow tired. These five artists certainly hold a special chunk of my heart.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T07:56:00.000-06:00

Q: If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others have to drown too.

A: Christ, I would hope so. Then, it might be watchable.

Tyler J.

2011-11-30T07:55:00.001-06:00

Q: What is the collective word for six bottles of beer? Is it still a six-pack?

A: Mine.

Tyler J.

2011-11-29T22:39:00.002-06:00

Q: Hamburger Helper...meal in a box or easy cop-out?

A: Hamburger Helper has helped me out of many a last-minute jams. Marjorie Husted was the creator of Betty Crocker and I would gladly curl her toes if she were still alive today.

As far as it being a legit meal? Look at the nutrition facts. I'm not ready to add it to my steady diet, but the convenience of it would certainly help it's case.

Tyler J.

2011-11-29T22:36:00.001-06:00

Q: Why do television ghosthunters always start screaming, "Did you F$%@$% hear that? Sh#$#!" when they want you to focus on a teeny tiny sound?

A: Because they know that stupid shit isn't real. It's like slight-of-hand for stupid people. Only it's not a magic show.

Tyler J.

2011-11-29T22:34:00.001-06:00

Q: What is the rest of the joke that starts out: "A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar..."?

A: There are several variations of this joke. One of my favorites is:

A Priest and a Rabbi were eating together when the priest started to tease the Rabbi.”Wow, this ham is really good” he said licking his lips.”I know it’s against your religion, but when are you going to break down and finally have some.”After a moments thought the Rabbi responded with a smile “at your wedding!”

Tyler J.

2011-11-29T22:24:00.004-06:00

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A: Several factors come into play regarding this question. You first have to consider the workload of an average woodchuck and how much load-bearing ability they possess. The, you have to determine what kind of wood they will be chucking as different woods will be of different densities.

If you take into consideration the amount of dirt a woodchuck displaces during a burrowing - roughly 35 cubic feet - and replace that amount of space with wood (we'll say something average, like pine). The density of the wood per cubic foot would be about 5% of the density of the soil. So, if my math is right, the weight would equal around 700 lbs. of wood.

We also have to consider if he has help, how many breaks he might take, if there are union restrictions on his hours, etc... The actual workload of the woodchuck could alter drastically, affecting the accuracy of the answer to the question.

The bigger and more important question is "Who gives a shit?"

Tyler J.

2011-11-29T09:38:00.002-06:00

Q: Do you think people on Government assistance should take random drug screening?

A: The issue comes to light with the guise of making sure people receiving government money are spending it wisely, right?

Remember a couple of years ago when there were all of these banking, automotive, and mortgage companies bitching, whining, and clamoring for a huge chunk of money to bail them out? Yes?

Okay, remember when they said they were going to use the money to get themselves out of a crisis and start creating jobs? Yes?

Okay, remember when they dished out bonuses and bought new corporate jets instead? Yes?

The whole issue seems to be one of splitting hairs. One group of people is permitted to take taxpayer dollars and do with it as they wish. Another group is closely scrutinized and even vilified for even the POSSIBILITY that they might not spend it on food, water, and shelter.

My mother has been working in the grocery business for close to 20 years. In that time, she has seen what amounts to fraud, but the government is in no position to stop it. What happens it the recipient of a Vision card/food stamps/government money/etc... will find someone willing to buy it for cash.

While sad, what are you going to do about it? Growing up around the crowd I did, I have learned there are several ways to beat a drug test. The whole issue is simply created to target those who are already living a meager existence. As if, somehow, threatening to take away their someone's only means of finances is going to persuade them to stop doing drugs.

Like I said, if we're going to go down that road, we need to go all the way to make sure EVERYONE is spending government money correctly. Otherwise, I say leave it alone.

Tyler J.

2011-11-28T22:22:00.004-06:00

Q: What has been the single most defining moment in your life up to the present and expound upon the ramifications of said moment. How/why has this moment had the impact it had?

A: This is a really tough one to answer. As I write, I'm still trying to think of how I want to put this into words.

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you felt like the world was a tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes? That was life for me in the Army.

After September 11th, I was 18 years old and still trying to figure out everything. I thought a stint in the military would do me some good. I had always had a mild fascination with the military and coming from a family of veterans, it only seemed natural.

I went through basic training in Fort Knox, Kentucky. I attended advanced individual training at the Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland. I learned how to jump from planes at Fort Benning, Georgia. I was then stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina in the 82nd Airborne Division. Then, I deployed to Iraq. All of this happened within the span of nine months. Think about that. My wife's pregnancy lasted longer than my preparation for war.

Honestly, I was not ready. The whole thing seemed rushed. Being the soldier I was, I kept on trucking. I was going ninety miles an hour for nine months straight and was heading into one of the most dangerous areas on the planet.

Once I arrived, everything came to a screeching halt. Being stuck on a forward operating base (FOB) is the least fun you could possibly have. I would rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire than return to Iraq for any reason. The boredom began to set in quickly once we realized how isolated we were. Compounded by the fact that the many double-standards and social tragedies of the military were starting to come to light, my experience was growing very bleak.

(What follows is the said "defining moment". I refrained for many years from telling people about this, and if you choose to read further, you'll see why.)

Mephloquine is an anti-malaria drug that was given to us in order to repel and viral attacks from the local mosquitoes. It also provides some very interesting dreams. For example, I had one where I dreamed I was at my own funeral, but I was the only one there. This dream occurred more than once. That's not exactly a good thing when you're sitting in the desert with a lot of time on your hands contemplating your own mortality.

Anyway, long story short, I had reached a point where I felt like I had wasted my entire life up to that point and like there was no turning back. On November 13th, 2003, I sat on my cot and considered taking my own life. I had a knife and began to cut my wrists. At first, just a little to see what it felt like. Then, a little deeper. Then, a little deeper. Pretty soon, I saw a little bit of blood. I stopped and looked at it.

While I was sitting there, I heard many other people coming back from dinner or wherever they were. My bunk-mate, Andy, asked me if everything was okay. I lied and said "Yeah, I'm just tired. I'm going to go to bed." I laid there in my bunk until the next morning. There wasn't a lot of sleep going on as I was thinking about what I had just done. Something snapped inside of me and said, "Well, that was fucking stupid."

The next morning, after PT, I told Andy the truth. I explained that I had no idea what I was even doing in my life and I was thinking I wanted a way out of it. He told me not to worry about it and shuffled me off to breakfast. While I was sitting there eating, SGT Gilmore came in and sat across from me. He didn't say anything. I knew Andy had told him and SGT Sibley what I told him.

SGT Gilmore walked with me back to the building we were living in. When we got there, SGT Sibley, SSG Mills, and FSG Leonard were standing outside waiting for me. As if I didn't feel like enough of a piece of shit, FSG Leonard made sure he drove the point home.

While reading me the riot act, he explained that I was on my way out, but it was up to me where I wanted to go. I could either be transferred to another unit and lose my Airborne status (I worked to hard to let that fucking happen) or I could be honorably discharged.

I quickly realized that there was something seriously wrong with my personality and I would not be doing myself or the Army any good by staying in without working on it. So, I opted for the discharge. It was a tough decision, but I am alive today partly because of it.

For my remainder of the tour, I felt like something of a social pariah. I was now the weird guy that tried to kill himself. In that unit, I never felt like I belonged in the first place. Regular Army is a lot like high school. Lots of cliques and small groups who gravitate towards each other for comfort. By the time I was even assigned to the unit, many of those guys had already served in Afghanistan together. Any newcomers were looked at with disdain.

Moving on, I rotated back to this side of the world with my tail between my legs and quickly started my adult life over again. It took many years before I could even open up about the incident to anyone outside my family. I guess I was mainly afraid of what people thought. As I've grown older and more cynical of society, I honestly couldn't give less of a shit what people thought about it. It wasn't their problem. The ones who were there don't really care and the ones who seem to care weren't there.

Over the years, I have grown to love life in a way I never would have thought possible back when I was 20. There is so much more to life than people think there is before they decide to take their own life. There are things in this world that I still hadn't done and places I still hadn't seen. I was only 20 years old and I'll be the first to admit; I didn't know shit. I still had a good 50 years ahead of me before I could check out legitimately. This life is all I have and I should probably make the most of it and stop worrying. That's exactly what I have done. I feel like I have beat it and done so without medicating myself. So, yay me.

Going to Iraq was the best and worst learning experience in my life to this point. However, knowing what I know now, I would never do it again.

I hope this answers the question.

Tyler J.

P.S. - If any chest-beating, nationalist, war-hawks out there has some feeling of scorn against me for not finishing my tour, or leaving while others were still deployed, or attempting suicide; I say until you have put yourself in my position or the position of any deployed soldier dealing with depression or anxiety, you can go fuck yourself. It wasn't your tour.

2011-11-28T22:03:00.002-06:00

Q: Should you love your spouse more than you love your children? Should the priorities of your spouse outweigh those of your children?

A: Life is all about balance. Neither one should outweigh the other. As a family, you are all responsible for each other.

Let's say, you ignore your children to focus on your spouse. You are showing your children that they mean less to you than another person. They may grow to hate you and resent the other parent out of sheer jealousy.

Let's say, you ignore your spouse and focus on your child. Your spouse being part of that parenting relationship will feel left out and begin to resent you or, even worse, the child.

That's not to say that parents need their alone time together. Date night and other things (giggity) are very important to remain a strong couple. Likewise, each parent needs to be able to spend quality time with their children without the other parent. It doesn't always need to be a group activity. Plus, the parents need time by themselves, as well.

As I said, finding a balance is the key, but the more things you do together as a family, the better off you'll be in the long run.

Tyler J.

2011-11-25T17:43:00.002-06:00

Q: Is "tryptophan" just a dude's excuse to be lazy on Thanksgiving?

A: I can't speak for all men, but I know it's mine.

For the majority of men, I think football is the main excuse. Sure, there are dishes to clean up and foods to put away, but the commercial breaks are only about a minute and a half long at most. We can't afford to get up off the couch and miss precious gladiatorial (is that even a word? Screw it. It is now.) moments on TV.

Besides, considering all the dumb shit men are asked to do (Go to craft shows on their day off, check for noises in the night, stay on a sinking ship, etc...) I don't think it's too much to ask to just be able to sit around and not do anything.

Now, if we want to fair about it, we could break it down in terms of who contributed what that day. If everyone involved cooked or prepared something, then an after-meal break is deserved. If you simply woke up that day, meandered around the house for six hours saying, "Mmmmm, that smells good," while you only contribute to the bad smells between beers, then after dinner, you get your lazy ass in the kitchen and clean up.

If the Colts or the Chiefs are playing, you have no excuse to sit and watch football. After all, what football?

For the "tryptophan", I'm sure it plays a small role, but not enough that you can't get off your ass and at least throw the turkey carcass outside.

Tyler J.

2011-11-21T19:28:00.003-06:00

Q: What is your opinion on infant effects (short term or long term) from being bottle fed instead of breast fed? I know the main concern is always antibodies since the infant works off their mother's immune system for the first few months through antibodies transferred through breast milk. What about DHA and ARA that are naturally produced in breast milk, do you think the synthetic type found in formula is even close to being similar when it comes to brain and eye development?

A: Breast feeding is always the better option. Not only for nutrition, but for bonding between mother and child. It benefits the mother just as much as (if not more than) the infant. However, not all mothers are able to breastfeed or have trouble breastfeeding past a certain point. That is why formula is liquid (or powder) gold! The nutrients in formula are beneficial, but not still pale in comparison to the DHA, ARA, and other nutrients found in breast milk.

For new mothers, get with a lactation consultant. You'll be glad you did. It's totally worth the class. If you have trouble breastfeeding, do not take it personally. Also, shy away from unsolicited advice from "those who have been there". Their success, or lack of, will always be different from yours. Every mother/child relationship is very personal and should be treated as such.

For dads, if your partner is breastfeeding... enjoy the view. ;)

Tyler J.

2011-11-21T12:22:00.003-06:00

Q: Zombie apocalypse. Who, what, where, when, why, and how? How do we survive?

A: Now, you're speaking my language.

If anything were to ever cause dead human beings to rise and walk, I figure it would be some kind of man-made toxin that directly effects the nervous system or a mutated super disease like encephalitis, meningitis, or a fever.

It would affect anyone, but particularly those in underdeveloped countries and poor inner-city environments.

It could happen anytime.

It would occur due to poor emergency planning and lack of resources to aid the infected. It would spread like wildfire.

We survive by killing anything that shows symptoms of infection. We band together, collect and ration food, hoard medical supplies, establish communications with other groups until a new civilization can be established. Most importantly, we survive by keeping our cool and thinking rationally. You do not kill the living. Everyone will become useful for something at that point. Petty differences have no place in a post-apocalyptic world.

I feel like I'm forgetting something, but that should just about cover it.

Tyler J.

P.S. - Give me a Barrett Model 98B in a .338 Lapau Magnum with a good 360 degree vantage point, and you will have significantly fewer problems.

2011-11-21T12:20:00.002-06:00

Q: What is your opinion on human cloning?

A: I think it needs to be researched more before we jump in with both feet. What kind of ethical concerns might come up? What about human right?

As far as stem cell, umbilical cord blood, and tissue research, we should have been doing it a long time ago. For full-on cloning, I'm honestly undecided. I'd have to study it more.

Tyler J.

2011-11-20T17:52:00.002-06:00

Q: Has the double kick really added anything worthwhile to modern drumming? Not a what if but a question none the less.

A: Three words: "Hot For Teacher". That has to be the single most influential double kick drum line in history. If you listen to most thrash metal, the double kick it really prominent (Pantera, Fear Factory, etc...) Now, you could go back ever farther and listen to "Kill The King" by Rainbow or "The Enemy Within" by Rush. However, the drum intro in Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" was the first real mainstream exposure to a mass audience.

Is it worthwhile? Of course. Anything new and different in music is worthwhile even if it doesn't influence anything. It gives people examples of what they can do with music and how to improve on it.

Tyler J.

2011-11-20T10:05:00.002-06:00

Q: Would you rather dress in a pink tutu with matching heels or handshake and picture with George W. Bush?

A: While neither one is necessarily normal behavior, taking a handshake shot with "Fool Me Once" would not have to be something that you genuinely mean from the heart. Dressing in a pink tutu and heels takes real dedication.

Tyler J.

2011-11-19T19:26:00.002-06:00

Q: Would you rather have sex with me now or from 8th grade?

A: Well, Josh, considering I the latter is a felony, I would have to go with now if I absolutely had to make a choice. I guess I could just close my eyes and find a happy place.

Tyler J.

2011-11-17T14:14:00.001-06:00

Q: Who was better on Charmed, Shannon Doherty or Rose McGowan?

A: Considering I never found anything interesting about the show, I can only revert to my shallow side and judge it by the breast size of the female characters. Therefore, Rose McGowan wins.

Tyler J.

2011-11-16T12:51:00.003-06:00

Q: So is Net Neutrality a good thing or not?

A: If net neutrality is not preserved, I feel a slippery slope is in our future in terms of what the government feels should be "blocked content." I fear it would turn into a "give them and inch, they'll take a mile" scenario.

Tyler J.

P.S. - Sorry this post isn't longer, but I have to go to the bathroom.

2011-11-15T16:35:00.001-06:00

Q: The "war on drugs" has been called a failure by many and the evidence seems to support that. Our prisons are overflowing with drug addicts and dealers (some one-in-the-same) which certainly doesn't solve anything and loads an enormous cost onto the taxpayers. Should the "war on drugs" be scrapped? If so, would the appropriate response be decriminalization, full-on legalization, or a different brand of discipline/rehabilitation for abuse of controlled substances?

A: The "War on Drugs" is another example of selective prohibition. While hard drugs are a scourge on society and dangerous to the idea of human progress, it should be noted that an entire industry has been built on mind-altering substances. Simply because something is legal is no indication of its safety. The pharmecuetical industry generates, on average, over $600 billion in sales worldwide every year. Over the last decade, $3 billion has been spent convincing Congress to support drug-friendly legislation.

Aside from the financial impact of the drug industry, look at the products they create. Some are heavy narcotics, but the big business comes from so-called "me-too" drugs. These drugs are designed to replace naturally occurring chemicals in the human body to the point of convincing the body that it cannot make them on its own. Users become so dependent on anti-depressants, pain-killers, and mood-altering drugs that their tolerance is weakened, forcing them to up their dosage and buy more drugs.

Sound familiar? Heroin does the exact same thing to the body's opiod receptors by creating synthetic morphine once it enters the bloodstream. Acting as a pain killer, users experiencing withdrawls often cite horrible physical pain as a side effect. This causes the user to literally feel as though they cannot live without it. Eventually, their usual dose of the drug becomes too weak, forcing them to up their dosage and buy more drugs.

(Okay, I'm back. I had to take a break. The Walking Dead was on. Where was I? Oh yeah...)

Drug companies, and others of the sort, did not become wealthy by being stupid.

The same can be said for the tobacco, alcohol, refined sugar, and fast-food industries. All of these have their own lobbyists and their own money to influence lawmakers into keeping their products legal no matter how dangerous or addictive they may be.

Marijuana growers do not have the same luxury of being able to buy politicians the same way other industries do. The stigma that has been attached to marijuana users over the last three quarters of a century has been one of laziness, irresponsibility, and unclear thought. In fact, many people use marijuana on a daily basis and lead very productive lives. Many notable politicians, writers, Nobel Prize winners, poets, and artists have been known to partake in smoking marijuana. One of my personal heroes, Pulitzer Prize winner and award-winning astrophysicist Dr. Carl Sagan made no secrets about his frequent use of marijuana.

Is it right for everyone? Absolutely not. For me, I am fairly cautious about what I put into my body. I don't smoke. I drink every once in a while. I have slowly weened myself off of soda and most caffeine (iced tea being the exception). I certainly don't shoot, snort, drop, inhale, or absorb anything rectally. To me, I enjoy being clear-headed and pondering the wonders of life rather than have it induced by some other substance.

Even though I choose not to use drugs, I am certainly in no position to tell anyone what they can and can't put in their body. Long story short, neither are you. Who are we to say that someone in the privacy of their own home cannot inhale a cloud of THC? Is it damaging to their lungs? Sure, but so is walking around a crowded, polluted city for a long duration. Yet, we still allow major manufacturers to pump pollutants into the air as if the chemicals they produce are magically whisked away once they leave the factory.

The question brings up a good point. Our entire prison system has been built on drug laws over the last 30 years. Many people serving lengthy sentences are not violent offenders, but rather those who have dealt or even used drugs too many times for those in power to feel comfortable. California's antiquated "three strikes" law is one of the biggest culprits of locking up non-violent offenders.

What would happen if these drug laws were to disappear? For one, another industry - the prison industry - would crumble. Cities surrounding prisons would become relative ghost towns in a very short period of time. This, to me is one issue that needs to be addressed if we are serious about repealing drug laws. We certainly can't afford to put those in the prison system out of a job.

The question then becomes legalization/decriminalization/rehabilitation? Legalization of drugs would mean regulation of what goes into them. Of course, the cigarette industry hasn't exactly been too honest about their dealings, so we may have some quality control issues regarding legal hard drugs and what might make their way into them. When legalized, you also have competition from other providers which would essentially force the price of drugs to drop. People would no longer have to spend half of their weekly check on dope to support their habit. In addition, you have a large amount of tax revenue that is being overlooked by keeping drugs illegal. The tax profits made from legalized drugs could certainly be used to rehabilitate addicts much in the same way local gaming taxes are used to help compulsive gamblers.

For this non-user, I would like to see people be allowed to freely use whatever it is they choose to put in their body. I see no reason, NO REASON, for any elected official to be able to tell the American people that "this group" of dangerous products is okay for you to use, but "that group" is not.

One question that comes up is, "Will you start using if drugs are legalized?" I've done pretty well so far without them. Why start now? It's about choice and I simply choose not to participate.

Tyler J.

2011-11-15T16:33:00.002-06:00

Q: How would you say the sexualization of our culture impacts sex trafficking?

A: I'll try to make this brief. There are very RARE instances where I turn on MTV. I'm usually flipping channels and stop just to see what the younger masses are being exposed to. The men (and I use that term liberally) are always shirtless and wearing some kind of urban chic wardrobe. The women (again, I am being polite by using that term) are dolled up enough to make Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver look like a mom from the PMRC. In addition to looking like whores, they look like underage whores. In this country, its hard to avoid the fact that we have depraved human beings living among us who would gladly take advantage of children. I feel that the media has overstepped their authority by taking children and producing miniature strippers. Perverse men (and some women) out there look for ways that they can obtain sexual gratification from someone that looks like that. For some, pornography can only take them so far into their fantasy. They have to have the real thing.

Enter the flesh-peddlers in the sex trafficking industry. Many of the "women" in these rings are well under the age of 18. Many of them are also victims of kidnapping or are sold into slavery by their own families in order to make ends meet. There are people out there with enough disposable income to satisfy their lust for something not only illegal, but horrifically traumatizing for the other party involved.

In short, I feel there is an impact, but there are other factors that lead to sex-trafficking other than just our culture being highly sexed. As with any major industry, especially the illegal ones, money makes the world go 'round.

Tyler J.

P.S. - Don't even get me started on Toddlers And Tiaras.

2011-11-15T16:30:00.004-06:00

Q: What is your stance on physician-assisted suicide?

A: I'm for it.

The majority of the arguments against physician-assisted suicide comes from a religious point of view about suicide/murder/sin/etc... The problem with this is that many people suffering from terminal illness, paralysis, or other debilitating ailments might not share the same view as those who want to keep them alive out of some God-pleasing motivation.

Is it a horrible thing? Absolutely. No one wants to be responsible for the death of another human being. Even Dr. Jack Kevorkian didn't wake up every day and think "Oh man, I can't wait to kill some cancer patients today!" However, he was realistic about the situations his patients were in and how deep their physical pain ran and what it kept them from doing while they were on their way out of the living world.

What it boils down to is that none of us have the right to tell anyone how or when they should cease to live in this world. While suicide is a horrible thing which I hope no family has to live through (trust me on this), it is equally horrible to pressure someone into continuing a miserable, painful existence because of your own fear or belief about the unknown. As I've said before and will continue to say. Your belief about the next world does not relieve you of responsibility in this one.

Tyler J.

2011-11-15T07:07:00.002-06:00

Q: Will Italy default?

A: Likely, they will. I was reading a story about how the interest rate on their bonds was hovering around 7%, which they say is nearly impossible for Italy to sustain for a long period of time. Being that Italy is such a big piece in the European economy, it's also likely that many other countries will follow similar financial problems, even if they don't default.

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T21:41:00.002-06:00

Q: Nurture or nature?

A: With all of the research that's been done over the years, there are so many conflicting theories as to which one has stronger influence. However, I think nature drives us to act in certain ways, but nurture reigns us in before we cross any lines. Whether or not we develop our character solely from one or the other depends on the situation.

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T21:19:00.002-06:00

Q: How many days of the week could a healthy male human being consume a standard can of tuna safely?

A: Considering the most recent 2010 findings regarding mercury levels in fish, I would stay away from the shit altogether. I mean, if you ate one can per day for one week, you would probably be okay. You would just want to make sure that was the only week you went on a tuna bender.

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T20:13:00.002-06:00

Q: Is Israel going to preemptively strike Iran's ass before they can whip up a nuke?

A: If they're smart, they won't. They will essentially have every Arab country turning on them to wipe them off the planet if they do. However, Israel knows too well that they have the support of the U.S. should a war break out in the region.

Honestly, I think Israel and the entire middle east conflict will be the death of us, diplomatically and maybe even physically.

Iran may or may not have the capability to produce a nuclear weapon, but they certainly lack the technology to deliver it. In addition, They haven't had enough time to develop a stockpile of nuclear weapons that could match the arsenal of other states that would be involved in such a conflict.

Personally, I am very anti-nuke. Warfare was not meant to be decided in a matter of hours with both sides losing millions of people. It was meant to be a last resort to political and territorial disputes using those of us crazy/brave/dumb/idealistic/patriotic/nationalistic enough to fight someone else's war.

For too long, we have been held hostage by people with a false illusion of power who think the only way to show superiority is through annihilation of other people. Finally, if all-out war broke out, my only hope is that I would not survive it. In the case of nuclear war, the lucky ones die first.

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T19:49:00.000-06:00

Q: Where do we send the questions?

A: In a letter to the North Pole, my Facebook page, or in a comment here.

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T19:42:00.001-06:00

Q: Is it possible to buff or Polish out minor scratches on the glass screen of a cell phone?

A: For about seven dollars, you can get a special cleaner designed to remove scratches.

Also, there are homemade recipes for stuff that will act as a cleaner, but it requires cooking. What am I, Wolfgang Puck?!

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T19:37:00.002-06:00

Q: Why?

A: Who do you think you are, Jean-Paul Sartre or something?

With life being as short as it is, the question is "Why Not?" So many people look for life to have some kind of meaning that they have to live up to when in reality, the meaning of life is whatever you will it to be. I guess it's just the existentialist in me talking, but life has as much meaning as you want it to have.

For me, it's a lot.

Tyler J.

2011-11-14T19:36:00.002-06:00

Q: Where do babies come from?

A: The Ikea store.

This question came from a soon-to-be dad. I weep for the future.

Tyler J.

2011-11-11T13:55:00.001-06:00

Q: Who do you know in town that drives a black suv that would be at my house at 7:45am this morning, knocking on all doors and looking in windows?

A: It's probably the Penn State football staff looking for dates.

Tyler J.

2011-11-11T13:53:00.003-06:00

Q: If I were on a donkey, and someone threw rocks at me, would I be stoned off my ass?

A: If you were riding a donkey in an age where motor vehicles are regularly accessible, I would suspect your Highness Level would have already reached "Snoop Dogg".

Tyler J.

Question To Readers

2011-11-11T13:51:00.001-06:00

Q: What does Veterans Day mean to you?

Question To Readers

2011-11-10T07:46:00.002-06:00

Q: Are you a Marine or do you know any United States Marines? From your experiences, what have you learned either from the Corps or from those you know who have been in the Corps? Happy Birthday, Marines.

(Note: please answer for yourself and try not to respond to other comments. I don't want this turning into a shouting match because then, you all sound stupid.)

Tyler J.

2011-11-09T20:14:00.002-06:00

Q: Is there a scientific explanation of or theory about ghosts? Or do you think questions about ghosts are better suited to spiritual experts?

A: Unfortunately, there are no scientific explanations for things that don't exist. The only explanation I could possibly imagine for the ghostly claims would be the fear of death. Most people have a natural fear of the unknown. What greater unknown is there than whether or not there is some form of consciousness after death? Many people believe in ghosts as a last-ditch hope to connect with those they have lost. Sadly, despite what "spiritual experts" claim, there is likely nothing waiting for us on the other side of life. The burden of proof lies with those who claim that there is. If there is some form of consciousness after death, I'm certainly open to the idea. So far, all we have are first person narratives and grainy "authentic" footage on the Travel Channel.

Do I believe there is any truth to claims about the existence of ghosts? No, but it sure makes for some great horror movies.

Tyler J.

Question To Readers

2011-11-08T14:10:00.002-06:00

Q: What is your most unique or endearing quality? What characteristic makes you "you"?

2011-11-08T13:10:00.004-06:00

Q: What's up with all these Oklahoma earthquake conspiracy theories people are saying? Are people really that ignorant?

A: For the second question: Do you even need to ask?

For the first question, people like to try to make sense of any event by randomly tying it to other events regardless of evidence. Space age technology started to advance after the supposed Roswell incident. Therefore UFO's and advanced civilizations must exist. Right? Then why choose this random planet to make contact? It seems desperately random. What if we made first contact? Nevermind the fact that the nearest star other than the sun is four light years away. Since it is theoretically impossible for something to travel at the speed of light (or even close to it), we would likely not hear an audio response from another civilization for decades or even centuries after we sent a signal. I could go on...

If you mean the hydraulic fracturing for natural gas exploration, there is a little more to it. When you disrupt the Earth's crust by violent explosions, shit may start to shift a little. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? Depends on the degree of fracturing. Other heavily "fracked" areas of the country have experienced seismic activity increases. Not to mention, poisoning of their groundwater and other environmental hazards. Oh, but natural gas is safe, right? Do some research. Look at who is paying for that research. Be objective.

Is it a conspiracy? Likely, not. If anything, it's just a result of something else.

Basically, people try to search for meaning where there is none. Shit happens. The Earth is constantly changing even if at a slow pace. Many people go a lifetime and never experience an earthquake. What does it mean for them?

Over the last decade or so, people have been claiming that the world is coming to an end due to an "increase" in earthquakes. The truth is, there is not an overall increase in earthquakes, but there is an increase in our ability to detect them. Scientific monitoring of geological events has vastly improved. So, naturally, we are able to detect more seismic events than in previous years.

People are always going to look for a bigger, complex answer when there is only a simple one to be had. Don't worry. It's just the Earth shifting. It's been happening for billions of years. It will happen again.

Tyler J.

2011-11-08T11:52:00.001-06:00

Q: What do you think the chances are of the world really ending?

A: It depends on what you mean by "End of the World". There are many forms of destruction that could bring about the end of civilization or even all life on Earth. Earth itself will continue to exist, but it will change form. Take for example, the growth of our Sun. In about 3-4 billion years, our sun will grow to a point of being so large that it will engulf the Earth. By then, all life on Earth will have ceased to exist. The heat created by the Sun will have burnt everything we see today. By then, we will be long gone and have nothing to worry about. The Earth will be absorbed into the Sun and become part of it. However, technically, it will still "exist".

I'm guessing you probably mean "How will life as we know it end?" For the most part, this depends on us. With the types of weapons we have available in the 21st century, and the knuckleheads with a 14th century mentality controlling them, it's likely that we will see an exchange of nuclear arsenals which will bring about a whole new world of problems for those who survive. It's the kind of scenario that you hope you don't survive. It's the kind of scenario where the dead are the lucky ones.

The climate of the Earth is something that has been debated for decades. Whether or not it's changing. Whether or not we're responsible. Whether or not we can do something about it. Regardless of how you feel about our role in affecting global weather patterns, why risk it? Even something as small as littering, why would you want to add to the pollution of your own environment. Yes, the Earth is big, but it's currently the only home we have. Whatever pollution we put into the air, water and ground stays there. We have no way of cost-effectively blasting our problems out into space. We live with whatever we create here on Earth. Whether or not you believe we're responsible for climate change or even if it exists, why risk it?

The other threat to mankind comes in the form of our galactic pinball game known as asteroids. It's not a matter of if a giant space rock will hit the Earth, but when will it hit? Will we still exist as a species to see it happen? Again, it's one of those scenarios you hope you don't survive.

Plagues are another threat to the human species. However, with advances in medicine and efforts to isolate the hosts, it's likely that we would survive a major pandemic. In theory, for every disease, there are many people who have a natural immunity. They are our most valuable asset in discovering how to combat a virus.

As far as anything religious or supernatural, the chances are slim and none. The second coming of Christ, the apocalypse, and the 2012 nonsense are nothing more than scare tactics to get people to straighten up and fly right. The funny thing is, they work. Doesn't make them inevitable.

If for some reason you do need to hit the road and survive for an extended period of time, it never hurts to be prepared with survival supplies. You don't need to go all Randy Weaver on us, but a few basic necessities that you can throw in your car or on your back if you need to get out of dodge wouldn't be a bad idea.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Tyler J.

2011-11-08T10:43:00.002-06:00

Q: Do you think it's possible that Michelle Duggar could be the first woman to fulfill Andrew Dice Clay's joke and literally have so many children her uterus falls out?

A: This is one of those questions I have been waiting to answer all my life. I literally had to drive around a little today to think rationally about my response. I want to be absolutely clear on this and not seem like I'm rambling.

Let me start by saying, for the record, I am very pro-family. I love kids. I love my daughter. I love my wife. I love my parents. I love my brother. I love my relatives. I love that every single one of the people I have in my life has impacted how I live it. Family is one of those connections that no matter how strained the relationship may be, it takes quite a bit to completely remove yourself from it. Chances are, you will always have a place to stay if your world comes crashing down. You will generally have people that would give you the shirt off their back or make you a hot meal if you were struggling. There is a certain unspoken duty to one another if you are related by blood, or even not by blood.

I love being a dad. More than anything, I love looking at my daughter knowing that I have a responsibility to teach her how to be a critical thinker before turning her loose on the world. By not giving her those skills, I would be setting her up for failure in a society that is notorious for chewing people up, killing their spirit, and throwing them to the curb with systematic cruelty under the banner of "trying to get theirs". Teaching you children to be smart is one thing. Teaching them to be strong in this world while still being respectful of others is completely different.

Many parents inflict upon their kids the same kind of ignorance and backwards social agenda that was thrust upon them as children. We still have people in this world that believe race, gender, and sexual preference actually determines how strong your moral character is. The only way they can come to that ass-backwards conclusion is by having it repeated to them throughout their formative years. If you grow up in a household hearing the words "nigger" or "fag" or "cunt", chances are you are going to carry that mentality of superiority over other groups of people into your adult years. In reality, you are just as worthless as the rest of us. There is no such thing as one group of people who are any better or more worthy than the others. I put my pants on one leg at a time like the rest of you. Only, when my pants are on for the day, I try not to be an ignorant asshole. I have my parents to thank for that.

Now, I'm no expert on parenting. I have only been at this for a little over year. So far, I think I've done a pretty damned good job. If we decide to have more children later on, I want to make sure I'm good and ready to handle it. My goal is to be the best parent I can possibly be. I don't have a specific agenda to follow in order to crank out as many rug-rats as possible before my grapes dry up.

The point of being a parent is to be good at it. The point is to have children that you actually want and plan for. The Duggar family has made what appears to be a comfortable, well-rounded home for their kids; all of which were intended to be born. While I applaud the Duggar family for their efforts to have as many wanted children as possible, I find it disgusting that they have used their family in an exploited effort to gain fame and a small fortune. They have deliberately put their children under the critical eye of the world in order to make a name for themselves.

What I find even more disgusting is the nation's fascination with this so-called reality family. This is what we have been reduced to for entertainment. Between the Duggars, shows about cake, and Jon and Kate's eight busted condoms, every time I watch The Learning Channel, I feel a little bit dumber. Hence, why I have just about given up on TV altogether.

I try not to get too fired up about religion on here because I know it's a touchy subject for most people. However, religion is a system of beliefs that people can choose to have. Taking offense is theoretically impossible. You can pretend to be offended when someone criticizes your religious views, but you can also choose to change them in the same way you change your political views. It is not something you are born with such as skin color or genitalia that cannot be changed through thought.

That being said, I find it troubling when people have children simply for religious reasons in order to simply create more followers. Being followers of the Quiverfull Baptist movement, they are bound by their religious doctrine to avoid all forms of birth control and create as many babies as possible. This has also been a central part of the Catholic church for many years. For example, the Catholic church discourages condom use even in central African countries that are plagued with AIDS. Children are born to dying parents. Many children are born infected themselves. All in the name of simply producing followers for a dying ancient religion.

While the Duggars do not have to worry about sexual promiscuity, disease, and other worries of the secular world, they are also somewhat closing off their kids and themselves from the realities of the rest of the world. I did manage to watch one episode of the show where they visited the Haight-Ashbury district in San Francisco. They seemed like they were on a completely different planet. The shock on their faces was the shock that can only come from people who have a narrow view of the world. Whether they think it to be an immoral world or not is up to them. However, unless their kids stay within their close-knit community, they are going to be subjected to things they were not prepared to deal with rationally while they were growing up. They will see people from a point of view that places others beneath them. "There are those of us who accept our religious beliefs and are going to heaven, and then there's everyone else."

Moving on from the religious part of this (which feel free to ask me about this topic later), the fact that our country has such a weird fixation with the reproductive habits of another family really speaks to how far we have fallen socially. I didn't even know about them being pregnant with another kid until someone posted it. Honestly, it's because I don't give a shit. Even though they are forcing their nonsense down peoples throats season after season, I choose to not take part in it. The same way I choose to avoid the Kardashians, Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant, and whatever other perverse bullshit the media moguls use to distract us from what really matters in life.

To address your question specifically, I think her baby-making days are numbered. I read that the last one almost didn't make it. That should be an indication that your body is finally running out of steam for harboring children. In short, it's a vagina, not a clown car.

Tyler J.

2011-11-08T10:37:00.001-06:00

Q: Where does your mind take you sometimes and how do I get there?

A: If we're talking in a meditative, existential sense, my mind takes me to all kinds of places. Being a fan of astronomy, it often takes me on a journey through the universe to explore how infinitely large it is. There is so much beauty in the world that it's hard to express. My mind also takes me to places of absolute horror and depravity. This is mainly to serve as a warning on how not to live. If there were a way to explain all the shit that goes on inside my dome, I would certainly post it here. However, I don't think there could be a post long enough to cover it all. So, I'll just keep most of it to myself. In my head, it all makes sense.

To get there, just ask yourself questions about everything. Never stop searching for answers. Even if you don't get the answers, the search will take you in other directions to answer other questions.

Tyler J.

P.S. - Drugs are not part of my mental exploration.

2011-11-08T08:18:00.000-06:00

Q: Who do you think the US will challenge to a war after we pull "all" of our troops home?

A: You first have to assume that we will have all of our troops home. That will never happen. With all of our satellite bases around the globe, we will have troops in other countries until the end of civilization, which from the looks of the world's nuclear problem, may be sooner than we think.

So, if you're talking "home" as in sovereign territory such as our bases in Germany, South Korea, etc... then all we have to wait for is our combat troops. Okay.

Considering our superiority in firepower, it wouldn't be much of a challenge. Especially, against the types of countries we engage; poorly armed brown people. Let's consider the most probable threat being Iran. Chances are, the war would spiral out of control as it did in Iraq unless there is some sort of puppet government ready to take over when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is violently ripped apart by his own people in the middle of Tehran.

As things stand right now, Israel is itching for a fight against Iran. This is bad news for everyone involved, including us. Historically, since 1948 anyway, we have been behind Israel 100% whether they're right or wrong. We have been their only ally considering everyone else in the region thinks Jews, and their supporters, are evil. If you talk to some evangelicals in this country, you'll find that they back Israel because a war in the middle east would signify the second coming of Christ. Granted, not all Christians think like this, but it's terrifying to think that even some do.

Worst case scenario, Israel strikes Iran and Iran retaliates (or vice versa). Israel hits them with a tactical nuke. Iran throws everything they have at Israel. The US turns Iran into a smoldering pile of nuclear glass in defense of Israel. Every country in the region turns it's wrath on the US. Locally, we end up with car bombs, random spree killings, and assassination attempts from everyone who despises our alliance with Israel. Even the heavily-armed supporters of Iran such as, Cuba, Venezuela, and North Korea will get in on the mix.

Basically, if Israel begins a large assault against an Arab country, or vice versa, it would likely trigger World War III. This is something I try to follow in the news even though it can be a little confusing. This conflict has gone on for so long and involves so many different players, it's no wonder people tune out and focus on the Kardashians. The whole middle east crisis might seem boring, but trust me; it won't be boring when they start the emergency broadcast system for real one day.

For the record, I hate war. I certainly hope I never have to take part in one again. More so, I hope I never have to survive one that annihilates large parts of the world.

To answer your question, I see the most likely candidate for a war with us being Iran. However, I honestly hope it would be Canada. After giving us Nickelback, I think a blitz from our armored divisions would be justified.

Tyler J.

2011-11-08T08:12:00.000-06:00

Q: How the hell does the computer calculate pi, and how many digits is it up to now? Also, how do we know it's not just making up random numbers just to mess with us?

A: I can assure you that the computer is not making up the numbers. Computers are not self-aware (yet) and are simply translating instructions given to them by their human creators. So, there's that question.

The number for Pi is calculated using a specific formula. Don't even ask me what that formula is. It's too early in the morning and I haven't been in a geometry class in years. Once you have a formula and understand how it works, you can solve infinitely small and infinitely large equations. Last I heard, they had solved for Pi up to 1.25 trillion digits. To give you an idea of how big a number that is, there are roughly 100 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy. There are ten times as many digits in the number for Pi.

Excuse me while I try to wrap my brain around that.

Tyler J.

2011-11-07T22:11:00.000-06:00

Q: What is the capital of Croatia, and who are some of its former notable residents?

A: The capital of Croatia is Zagreb, which is by far, the coolest name for a European capital city. It sounds like a villain in a sci-fi/space movie. The evil Zagreb from the planet Marlak. Awesome.

Croatian people are known as Croats, which I don't think is a very flattering moniker for a nationality. It almost sounds like a racial slur. "This neighborhood was great until all of the Croats moved in!"

In Croatia, I'm sure there are people who are famous among their countrymen. Some of the famous Croatians we know are not necessarily natives, but are of Croatian descent. For example, Nirvana bassist and former Seattle mayor, Krist Novocelic is from a Croatian-American family. TV host, and Kansas resident, Bill Kurtis is also the son of a Croatian-American USMC general. "Born On The Fourth Of July" author and Vietnam veteran, Ron Kovic, is also Croatian. ESPN radio host Mike Golic from the Mike and Mike Show, is Croatian. Stands to reason his brother, Bob Golic, would be too.

The question remains, are there people who have a fundamental belief about their country and it's origins? Do we call them Croatianists? Hahaha.

Tyler J.

2011-11-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

Q: Belly button fuzz. Friend or foe?

A: Depends on the situation. If it is simply your own fuzz from your own clothing, no problem. If you find some other person's hair lodged in that fuzz, you have issues.

Tyler J.

2011-11-06T20:57:00.000-06:00

Q: Is the dangerous situation of a purchased government going to affect the quality of regular (ever-shrinking) middle class Americans? Are we going back to a class based society?

A: I feel like we've already crossed that line. When you have politicians who rely upon campaign contributions, you have politicians who readjust their priorities accordingly. The basic working American is given a choice between a candidate bought by one industry and a candidate bought by another. No politician is immune to financial influence. It's so bad that it's to the point that even if there is a candidate that people like, the nomination will go to the one who raises the most money (I.E.: the 2008 Republican voters supported Ron Paul by a WIDE margin. However, the nomination went to John McCain and that dumbshit from Alaska.)

So, tell me, exactly what say-so do we have when we vote?

Tyler J.

2011-11-06T20:19:00.000-06:00

Q: Okay, here's one. You have described yourself as a former conservative. I don't have a specific question, but I'd like to hear more about the journey that took you away from that school of thought and into your own. If you are comfortable sharing.

A: Damned good question(inquiry, whatever). No question or topic is off limits. Basically, I bought into the whole post 9/11 nationalism movement. Then again, I was 19 years old. I would have probably believed anything you threw at me. I believed in the Thomas Sowell, laissez-faire, libertarian kind of free-market economy. I believed government regulation was only designed to keep people from making money. I believed that America was a (somewhat) Christian nation and we should do everything we can to protect Israel from the evil Muslims. I believed in the individual. I still do, but for different reasons. I believed that the richest one percent were actually going to create jobs if they were given more money.

Over time, the fruits of that school of thought were not ripening. Jobs were not being created the way they were promised. I realized that Israel has no more right to occupy that land than anyone else. I began to view religion as a mode of thought control used (successfully) to keep people in constant fear under the guise of being "Moral". I saw corporations avoiding regulations by putting harmful chemicals into their products to be ingested by people so they could build on their bottom dollar. I began to see the news media for what it really is: propaganda.

By viewing the world objectively, I have been able to see it more clearly. I realize that we have but one life to live on Earth and it's being wasted on petty pursuits of false power and success. Simply surviving and making the most of life is often subdued by those who wish to make a dollar off of our basic human needs. I also see people making a conscious effort to undermine the efforts of others who seek equal rights; gay, atheist, fat, etc...

Basically, I just couldn't make excuses anymore for why I thought things were good enough for me, but not for anyone else.

One thing I have managed to hang onto is my belief in the 2nd Amendment. I doubt you will find anyone as pro-gun as I am. However, I am anti-paranoia and anti-stupid. So, I'm not a gun-totin', bible-thumping, "they're coming to get my guns", black helicopter, tinfoil hat redneck. I don't belong to the NRA. I am not even a violent person. However, being armed, willing, and able to defend yourself levels the playing field against those who wish to do you harm, whether they be thugs wearing gang colors or government uniforms.

People often throw out that argument "Oh, they're trying to make guns illegal and they're going to come raid our house and take them." With exceptions such as, New Orleans after Katrina, which was a clusterfuck, they are not going to disarm the American people. Logistically, they could not pull it off. You have roughly 70-80 million gun owners in this country. That's the legal ones. You have roughly 6-8 million military/law enforcement personnel in this country. That means gun owners outnumber their supposed "enemies" 12:1. The U.S. is not going to pass a law that would jeopardize the safety of their uniformed protectors. The government is stupid, but it's not that stupid.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but that basically covers my platform. If there is something more specific that I can clarify, feel free to ask. I'm pretty exhausted from this work week and I don't necessarily feel like I'm on my "A" game enough to cover the whole gambit of political philosophy.

Tyler J.

2011-11-06T10:08:00.001-06:00

Q: Which came first the chicken or the egg?

A: Whichever one sits on the edge of the bed saying, "That's never happened to me before."

No, seriously, speaking in terms of evolution, the egg was around long before the bird had evolved from reptiles. The question then becomes "Reptile or egg". Then, you have an infinite regression until you get to the point of single-celled organisms splitting in two. Then, you have the question of "Where did they come from?" The single-celled organisms can be traced back to amino acids and early complex molecules. Science may never have all of the answers, but it always keeps searching.

Tyler J.

2011-11-06T10:01:00.000-06:00

Q: What's the best way to get rid of hiccups?

A: I'm not a doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. One thing that works for me (and everyone's body is different) is to take really hard, deep, but not too quick, breaths through your mouth or nose until your lungs feel absolutely full. Hold that breath for a few seconds. Exhale normally and push out any excess air. Repeat this a few times. Your diaphragm needs to be reminded about it's job and get back on track. The spasms should stop after a minute or two of this exercise.

Tyler J.

2011-11-06T09:36:00.000-06:00

Q: Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

A: The same reason we buy a pair of pants and only get one. Someone, somewhere, divided by zero.

Other ponder-ables:

If we get olive oil from olives, where do we get baby oil?
If you tickle a cow, will milk shoot out of her nose?
If it's zero degrees today and It'll be twice as cold tomorrow, what's the forecast?

Tyler J.

2011-11-06T09:30:00.000-06:00

Q: Okay, space travel to other livable planets takes hundreds of years. So, you would need generations of time. What time would you want to be apart of? The ones who started the voyage and leave everything behind, the middle group who will never get to see a planet, or the last ones who have to start the colonization?

A: That's a tough one. Honestly, I think it would be fulfilling in any of those scenarios. I would prefer the first or last generation. It seems as though the middle generation would be bored to tears. Travel would be the only life they know. Being part of the first group, you still have that sense of wonder and adventure. Knowing that you will not see it can leave your imagination to dream about what the future civilization will be like. Carl Sagan and other astrophysicists had that same dream, but were never (and will never) experience life on another world.

Being part of the last group would be rewarding in the sense that you pave the way for others. You are the first to see new lands before they are spoiled by human inhabitants.

Tyler J.

2011-10-27T15:05:00.001-05:00

Q: If Kevin Costner weren't human, what would he be?

A: First, you have to assume he's human to begin with. If he were human, and Waterworld was almost conclusive proof that he is not, he would realize every acting career has a shelf-life.

What other life forms could he possibly be? Certainly not a chameleon. He plays damned-near the same character in every film. I think the best possible theory is that he is a Japanese giant hornet. He never plays second-fiddle in any movie. He must always be the lead role and crush whatever competition that might lie in his way. Plus, I think he eats his victims.

Tyler J.

2011-10-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

Q: Will Sonic EVER bring back the Frito Chili Pie?

A: I'm not a religious man, but if God existed, I would certainly pray that they would.

Tyler J.

2011-10-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Q: What's your zombie escape plan? AND would you group together or loan wolf?

A: Like anything regarding a zombie apocalypse, you have to think on your feet. Your method of survival is bound to change at any given moment.

For example, let's say the zombies were attacking on a small scale that is easily handled by law enforcement/military personnel. There would be no need to hit the road or panic. Technically, you could loan-wolf it and barricade yourself inside your house safely until the pandemic/toxin/comet/or whatever, passed. Chances are, your neighbors would likely have taken up arms and barricaded themselves inside their homes as well. Communication would be strained, but possible.

However, in the event that a global catastrophe has occurred where the majority of the population is either infected or running scared, you might want to reconsider locking yourself in a death trap such as your own home. Unless you're a well-armed, white-supremacist in Montana stocked with food, you will be better off teaming up with others in your neighborhood to battle the undead masses. For one, you are going to need to rotate duties (sleep, guard, weapons maintenance, etc...) so as to not get burnt out. Secondly, the human contact will make you more appreciative and thus, hopeful that you can survive the onslaught of walkers.

Like any battlefield scenario, you will want to take the "high ground". Whether it be a building, a hillside, or a tower, you have the element of surveillance to your advantage. In the event that you are attacked, you stand a better chance of defending your position if you are in such a place that would make it difficult for the zombies to climb.

Overall, to survive zombies, you must think like one. Anticipate their moves, be aggressive, and travel in groups. You will stand a much better chance than if you stood your ground and tried to go all Michael-Douglas-in-Falling-Down on them.

Tyler J.

2011-10-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

Q: I found while I was cleaning, a box of (2) musical Christmas card records. 331/3 r.p.m. copyright date 1960. Can I quit my day job?!

A: Unless you're day-job consists of mopping peep-show floors or asking people if they'd like to "large size your meal", I'd donate them.

2011-10-25T20:20:00.000-05:00

Q: Zombies and vampires; which one is worse? No, the twilight crap is not part of the equation.

A: Considering each have their own strengths and weaknesses, let's examine, shall we?

While zombies have strength in numbers, they can be easily brought down by a strong enough blow or gunshot wound to the head. Zombies can also be immobilized, or significantly inhibited, by damage to the legs or spine. However, their cravings for human flesh will continue until they have reached their objective.

Vampires, on the other hand, are quite different. This version of the undead can be few and far between. They may strike when least expected as opposed to zombies which can be tracked very easily. Vampires have also been reported to be shape-shifters. They can alter their appearance. Therefore, they can sneak up on you when you least expect it. In addition to their resilience, they are also considered immortal. Vampires have a very long shelf-life. Kind of like canned foods, twinkies, and Larry King. With the exception to direct puncture wounds to the heart, vampires are incredibly hard to kill or deter. In order to kill a vampire, you have to be well within range and have enough balls to do the job. Provided you don't piss yourself, you could go hand-to-hand with ol' Nosferatu and stab his pale as in the heart. Females are especially vulnerable. Vampires are well known to have the ability to seduce their victims. Zombies, on the other hand, have the sex appeal of a day-care fire. Vampires have the same effect on women that Fabio did in the mid-90's.

Overall, if you are going to do battle with the undead, you are likely to rack up more kills against zombies. However, your tour of duty will be more meaningful fighting vampires. That is, if you survive to tell about it.

Tyler J.

2011-10-24T20:06:00.000-05:00

Q: Would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs?

A: Dry rub only with some potato salad.

Tyler J.

CUBS WIN!!! CUBS WIN!!!

2011-10-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

Q: Would you rather be stuck on the moon by yourself with no chance at rescue for life with all forms of entertainment, or at the bottom of the sea with 30 people(20 men 10 women) for 20 years?

A: Good question. Honestly, I think the moon. The view would be better.

Tyler J.

Go Ahead. Ask Away.

2011-10-24T19:15:00.001-05:00

So, I figure I would try something new with my blog. If you have questions about anything, anything at all, feel free to ask. I am by no means an expert on any one subject, but I've been around, see? I know some stuff, see? Leave your questions in the comment section and I will try to answer them with a good blend of honesty and humor.

Tyler J.